When were you diagnosed and what with?
I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Grade 3 Triple Negative Breast Cancer in April 2023, 8 weeks after my daughter was born.
How did you find out you had cancer?
My daughter was only 8 weeks old when I was diagnosed and I was on maternity leave. I was in the shower one day and noticed a lump in my right breast. To be honest, I’m not sure if I was checking my breasts for any changes or if I just pressed a little firmer when I was washing my underarms, but I knew that I had never felt it before, so I was aware that there had been a change. At first, I thought it could be related to pregnancy. Even my GP thought that it could be. Luckily, he referred me to the breast unit at Addenbrooks Hospital Cambridge just to get checked. Within 2 weeks of finding the lump, I heard the dreaded words: ‘You have cancer’.
I went through genetic testing, and it came back negative, meaning I haven’t passed any of the genes to my daughter. My cancer was also not hormone responsive.
What did you think and feel when you were diagnosed?
Complete shock! My first thoughts were of my husband and daughter. I kept thinking: “Will I be there to watch my daughter grow up?” I remember waking up the day after being told, crying, and saying, “I don’t want to die.” Unfortunately, these sorts of thoughts do go through your head.
How did the people around you react?
I am very lucky to have such an amazing family and friends. I think everyone was in complete shock. No one ever expects someone so young to get cancer, especially if it’s your daughter. My parents did so much for my husband and me while I was going through treatment, whether that was looking after our daughter if I was unable to or taking me to the hospital for appointments. My parents, husband, and daughter used to all come to the hospital with me on the days of my appointments. I’m glad they had each other!
I look back now and think: How did we cope during that time? My husband was still working long days, taking me to treatment, and doing most of the night feeds for our daughter. At the time we just knew it was something we had to do; we didn’t question it.
What treatment did you have?
The first procedure I went through was freezing my eggs in case my husband and I wanted to have another child and we couldn’t conceive naturally. We had always dreamt about having two kids.
A week later, I started chemotherapy. For me, side effects were minimal – mainly fatigue and hair loss. I used to say I was ‘lucky’ that I didn’t have many side effects from chemo, and I would compare my experience to everyone else’s. But I still had to go through chemo, so I wouldn’t really say that’s lucky. My worst rounds were the last three of EC (also known as the “red devil”). I would have to spend the full week in bed, which was difficult as I couldn’t look after my daughter.
In November 2023, I had a lumpectomy and complete lymph node clearance. I was told that I shouldn’t lift my daughter for the first few weeks, which was hard especially when all she wanted was a cuddle from her mummy.
After my surgery, I was told that I had complete response from the chemotherapy and that I was officially cancer free. However, I still had to have 15 rounds of radiotherapy (my first one starting on my 31st birthday, Happy Birthday to me). The hardest part of this for me was the travelling to and from the hospital every day. It really affected me mentally and I remember crying after my last session (it was probably due to exhaustion). I then had 7 rounds of immunotherapy. I finished all my treatment in August 2024.
How did you feel through treatment?
I had complete tunnel vision throughout my treatment. My focus was on beating it! I had appointment after appointment and I don’t think I really had time to think about what I was going through.
It’s strange to say, but at some points during treatment I felt guilty. I felt mum guilt for not being able to look after my daughter at some points and not doing the typical things you plan to do on your maternity leave with your new baby (although she had no idea what was going on). I also felt guilty for how much my family did for me.
What happened after treatment finished?
Now that treatment has finished, my mind has lots of space to think about everything. I am now suffering from bad paranoia, constantly questioning whether the cancer is back. It may not even be breast related; it could be anything.
Fatigue is something that still affects me, and it varies from day to day.
I have also had several sessions of physio at the hospital due to shoulder and chest stiffness caused by the radiotherapy and surgery.
I return to work a week from when I am writing this. I am very anxious about returning – it’s been just over two years that I have had off for maternity and sickness and I know a lot has changed about myself and at the company I work for since I’ve been off.
I feel like a completely different person. I can’t quite explain how or what has changed, but I just don’t feel like the same person I was before cancer and motherhood.
How did you get involved with Shine?
I had been involved with a couple of other charities that had put together courses for people who had finished their treatment. Although they were amazing, all the other attendees were at least 20 years older than I was, and I didn’t feel like I had much in common with them apart from cancer! They were all at a completely different life stage.
I was then given a leaflet from my breast nurse on charities and I noticed that Shine was on there. I went onto the website and noticed that they offered the Break Out programme so I decided to sign up!
What difference has Shine made to you?
Signing up for the Break Out programme was one of the only good things to come out of my cancer journey. I was nervous about joining as I am not really one to open up easily, especially to people I don’t know, but as soon as I joined that went away. The programme allowed me to say as little or as much as I wanted about each week’s topic and there was completely no judgement within the group.
Thanks to the programme, I have now met a group of people who I am in contact with basically every day! We all share our concerns with each other, and we all understand what each other have been through. We are meeting up in a couple of months and all hoping to attend Shine Connect this year.
How do you feel now about your experiences? What‘s been the biggest change you’ve faced?
I don’t think I’ve still 100% come to terms with the fact that I had cancer. It’s something you never expect to happen to you. I think it doesn’t help that I am bad at comparing my experience of cancer to everyone I meet. I hear stories from others about how their treatment was delayed, how they had bad reactions to chemo, how they didn’t really have much support from others, or how they had a bad experience at the hospital. For me, none of this happened. In the past, I’ve even described my experience as a ‘good’ cancer experience! I keep trying to tell myself that no cancer experience is good – you’ve had cancer, no cancer is good!
If you could give one piece of advice to yourself before your diagnosis, what would it be?
You are stronger and braver than you think.
